Semptember

Well, I can't believe it but this year is almost over! We are about to end the crazy insane year of 2020! This month is a big one I am turning 21 on the 9th of September which just seems insane and then in the 3 months, we will be in 2021! I am excited but at the same time, it is so hard! I am about to be 21 and I still live with my parents. I have never had a real job! I have volunteered places and worked but it was never a real job. I have never had an actual boyfriend! I have been on dates with different guys but never actually got in a relationship with any of them. I have done side jobs you know what teenagers do like babysit. I am in college which I am very thankful for so that does mean I did graduate highschool! I really don't get to hang out with many people my age which is so hard! My life goes around doctors', therapy, and medication and the cycle just goes on and on. Every time I turn an older age it is extremely hard for me. With being sick as I have been and how I am constantly declining which is hard on me! The thing is I will be 21 soon but I can watch little kids show and be completely engaged in it like the lion guard and there is a princess show on Disney plus I was able to enjoy. I never stopped playing school and playing doctor! I got rid of my favorite baby doll I think 2 years ago! I just recently actually went back to a doll stage but I don't talk about it because I try to fight it! I do understand what people are talking about I can hold a conversation. I am in college so that shows you I am doing school work. Now it is harder for me I have to really pay attention and try 5 to 10 times harder than most! The thing is I do not give up I try and try and try. A lot of people would not know that I am lower in my age mentally on somethings a lot of things. When people find that out they want to deny the fact. I do mix words around when I am talking and sometimes I do not make sense at all you really have to read between the lines. I want to point out that not everyone with chronic illness decalins mentally. I have move than just chronic illness I have disabilities I had a traumatic brain injury four different brain surgeries/producers. My brain cells have died from my epilepsy so that has the stuff to do with it as well as my other neurology problems. Every time I get older it is hard on me because I know I am not with my peers. I am trying to really accept everything about me. I promise you that I am not faking any of this and it does hurt me to know how different my mindset is. I have a very specific motto I live by it is never give up as well as a scripture which is 2nephi 31:20" press forward with a steadfastness in Christ"! As always keep pressing forward you are strong I believe in you!