I think about giving up sometimes especially when I get so overwhelmed with being sick
and when I get so tired of being strong and so many other things. Today something was said to me it was nothing mean or rude it just hit a switch in my brain. I felt hopeless and just so tired of being sick it takes so much from me. I fight all I can and I press forward as much as can. I have faith in Jesus Christ and heavenly father this is what really keeps me going. The light Christ brings in my life gives me hope. There is just no way you wouldn't think about giving up. I have fought for my life since I can remember I live a roller coaster. There are months and weeks that I make a huge decline then there are moths and weeks that I make improvement but then I go back to a decline! Lately, I feel like it has just been a solid decline and then like a little improvement. I adjust to all the craziness as much as I can but it is not so simple, I laugh at myself instead of cry or get mad at least I try sometimes I fail but most of the time I succeed at this. I fall every day I never know where or when but I am always falling. My words getting twisted or I say the completely wrong word. This is a constant thing instead of beating myself up I laugh at myself. I do this because it does not make me feel stupid or pathetic. I make light out of these things and out of other medical things about me to not feel as bad and to keep my spirit up and to keep fighting. I try so hard to just keep going that I do not really let myself feel and process things I just keep going. So when it finally hits me wich it does I just feel like I should give up. I don't see the reason to fight I don't see that strong person everyone tells me I am. The thing is because I don't feel strong! I have learned during these times I have a mom and friends who love me. I see that heavenly father and Jesus Christ love me. I may want to give up but I can't and I won't let myself give up. I have a purpose just like each of you and the things I face every day I am able to help someone else. I let you see a glimpse of my weak times I am learning to let people see and know that I am really not ok! I hate telling people I'm not ok I normally will just say I am ok even when I'm not. Here it is I am not ok I am struggling but as I have written this and let myself be vulnerable I feel better! Never give up! You are loved by a heavenly father and by Jesus Christ! They are always there for you!